Busted!
by eyeluv2d
Summary: One night, the Joker managed to follow Batman home. He just saw Batman take off his mask and realized that Bruce is Batman. He decides to give bruce a little scare. :D
1. Chapter 1

The Joker gasped, every feature on his face expressing pure and utter shock. "Well, that was disappointing," He mumbled, wandering away from the window. He was ducked behind a shrub, ready to make like a banana and split, when he heard footsteps. _Oh, great. Now I'll be here all night_, the Joker thought miserably. Then a sly smile spread across his makeup-smeared cheeks. _Would it really be that fun to wait until our next encounter to expose Batman as Bruce? Maybe it would be even better to catch him off guard..._

So the Joker discreetly inched his way along the side of the house until he reached a side door, leading into the kitchen. He took a quick peak in the window to make sure nobody was in the room. When he saw that the coast was clear, he tried to doorknob. _Of course_, he muttered, rolling his eyes as he heard the stubborn click of the lock when he turned the knob. Worried that someone would walk into the room at any moment, the Joker fumbled around in his pockets for his skeleton key. When he couldn't find it, he figured he must have lent it to Harley and reached for his Jr. Detective lock picking kit he'd gotten at Toys R Us.

In about five minutes, the Joker was inching his way along the wall, careful not to be seen. If he was, it wouldn't be a big deal; he had a gun in his back pocket. But he didn't want to worry Bruce; not yet, at least. He wanted to catch Bruce completely off guard.

Just then, he heard about four different voices near the front door. Slowly, the Joker inched his way into the foyer. The front door was wide open, and a handful of butlers were leaning over the stoop trying to stomp out the fire that was burning a pile of foul smelling gunk. _Burning dog shit_, the Joker snickered to himself. _The spoiled brats that live in the neighborhood must've put it there_, he reasoned. Quickly, he tiptoed across the room and hurried up the large flight of stairs and out of earshot of the butlers. He took in huge gasps of air, finally able to breath without worrying about being heard.

Suddenly, he heard something. It was strange. It was frightening. If was off-key.

"…I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine, I got a love and I know it's all mine…." Came from down the hall in a loud, obnoxious male voice.

"Okay, so obviously he likes to sing in the shower." The Joker rolled his eyes. "Loser." Quickly but quietly, the Joker walked over to the door that the obnoxious singing was coming from. Opening the door a crack, he peeked into the bathroom. Steam escaped as he opened the door, and as he peeked inside he saw that the bathroom had white tiled walls and was brightly lit. Bruce had thrown his black tee shirt and jeans on the ground, and next to them lied his briefs. The Joker had to will himself to push away the feeling the briefs gave him. _I'm not gay_, he told himself. _I am_ not _gay_.

Suddenly the singing stopped. Bruce shut off the water abruptly, and the Joker's heartbeat quickened at the realization that Bruce had heard him. _Crap!_ He whispered, and sprinted to the nearest door, opening it a crack and sliding inside. He took a couple of deep breaths before turning around and feeling the walls for a closet. As soon as he found one, he slipped inside.

He'd been there for less than thirty seconds when he saw the lights turn on through the crack in the closet door. He heard footsteps coming toward him, and pushed himself to the corner of the closet behind a brown fur coat. _Don't move a muscle_, he told himself.


	2. Chapter 2

The Joker squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for when Bruce found him. Preparing himself for when the closet door swung open. But there was no flood of light; no angry screams from Bruce. No; the angry screams the Joker heard were from somebody else.

"Bruce, for God's sake, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Came an African American sounding male voice. "I was sound asleep until you barged in here, all heavy breathing and such!"

"But, I... I never..." a startled Bruce managed to squeak out.

"Just shut up and let me sleep!" the strange voice shouted. "And put some clothes on, boy! Sheesh!" And with that, the lights were turned off and the door was slammed. The Joker let out a long sigh, waited for what seemed like five minutes, and ever-so-carefully opened the closet door. He could hear snoring, so he figured it would be okay to just walk out. When he passed the bed, he saw who the man was. Lucius. Why the heck is Lucius in Bruce's house? The Joker wondered. Shrugging to himself, he walked over to the door and opened it a crack, making sure the coast was clear. When he saw that nobody was there, he slide out and set off to find his beloved Batsy.

Down the hall, Bruce was getting dressed in his bedroom. The Joker giggled as he skipped toward Bruce's room and opened the door a crack. He found himself face-to-face with Bruce's naked, rock-hard back end. Suddenly, his brain hatched an idea. He gace a loud wolf whistle, then slammed the door and ran into the hall closet, watching through the blinds as Bruce scrambled out of the room holding a towel around his waist.

"Who the hell are you?!" He screamed. The Joker overflowed with joy as Lucius stormed toward Bruce angrily.

"Are you insane?" He demanded. "What's gotten into you?"

"I-I'm sorry," Bruce stuttered. "I keep..." He sighed and shook his head. "Never mind."

"Sorry," Lucius muttered, patting Bruce on the back.

Suddenly, the Joker had another plan. All he needed to do was get to the bathroom...


	3. Chapter 3

The Joker waited until Lucius had walked away and Bruce had gone back into his room. He quietly slipped out of the hall closet and stomped down the hall. Soon after, Bruce came jogging after him.

The Joker ran down the stairs and down the hallway to the right. By the time Bruce got there, he didn't know which hallway to turn down, so he went to the left. This bought some time for the Joker. He decided that before he did his little bathroom charade, he would set up little traps along the way. Quickly, he pulled open the fridge and took out a ketchup bottle, squirting out "Haha" on the counter, then unscrewed a lightbulb in the chandelier, throwing it and the ketchup bottle on the ground. Sprinting out of the kitchen, he took with him a bottle of mustard and left the mess for Bruce to find. Bruce's angry shout echoed through the hallway as the Joker reached the sitting room. He stopped, stared at the wall the way an artist would stare at his blank canvas, and popped open the bottle of mustard. He messily squirted the Bat signal on the wall, admired it for a few seconds, then loudly overturned the expensive leather couch sitting in the middle of the room. Jogging away down the hall into the bathroom, he drew arrows on the walls with mustard, directing Bruce toward him.

Once he was in the bathroom, the real fun began. He grabbed a newspaper, pulled down his trousers, and sat on the toilet. In about a minute, Bruce burst in.

"Do you mind?!" The Joker screamed, his face scrunched up with fake hate.

"Oh, sorry, sorry!" Bruce offered, covering his eyes as he staggered out of the room. The Joker giggled and quickly got into his hiding spot, waiting for Bruce to realize that he'd just done something really stupid.

Within seconds, Bruce burst in. "What the hell?!" He screamed when he saw that the Joker was no longer on the toilet.

"Are you insane?" Came Lucius's voice from behind Bruce.

"He was just there!" Bruce yelled, pointing to the toilet. He was sweating and breathing extremely heavily.

"Bruce, calm down."

"But, I SWEAR..."

"Bruce, CALM DOWN." Lucius put his hand on Bruce's shoulder. "Take some deep breaths." After Bruce had relaxed a bit, he began to tell Lucius what had just happened.

"I was getting changed. All of a sudden, I heard someone stomp down the hallway. So I followed the footsteps to the kitchen, where..." Bruce told the whole story, Lucius nodding as Bruce talked. Every so often Bruce hiccuped loudly, interrupting what he was saying. The Joker peeked at him through he curtains, and saw that he was shaking. _Poor dear_, he thought sarcastically.

"Bruce, there's nobody here!" Lucius reasoned, emphasizing 'nobody'. "Maybe you're just tired. Go get some sleep." And with that, Lucius walked out of the room. "Bruce, is this mustard?" He called from the hallway. "Why would you do a thing like this?"

Bruce's lip twitched. He stood there for a few seconds, fuming, then punched the wall (hard), and was about to walk out of the bathroom when he heard eerie giggling.

"He he ha ho ha ho ha... he ho...ha."

Bruce's nostrils flared, his eyebrows furrowed, and he ripped the shower curtain aside with such force that some of the rings broke, sending shards of clear plastic scattering all over the sophisticated marble floor.

What he saw made his facial expression change from burning hate to extreme fear. The creepy giggle still ringing in his ears, he braced himself for the worst...


	4. The last chapter, guys

Before Bruce stood a grinning Joker holding up a gun. Bruce gasped and felt every muscle in his body tense. He let his eyes flutter shut as he tried his best to keep his cool while thinking of a plan.

Bruce shook his head lightly. "What are you doing here?" He eyed the Joker.

"Cut the act..." The Joker paused and licked his lips, grabbing the back of Bruce's neck and pulling him closer. "...Batman." He cackled loudly, causing Bruce's ears to ring. He jerked backward slightly, only to be pulled back roughly by a gloved hand.

"No sudden movements now, Brucey." The Joker warned, holding the gun to Bruce's temple.

"What do you want from me?" Bruce asked, his trembling voice slightly sprinkled with annoyance.

"I'd tell you, but, uh..." He waved the gun in front of Bruce's face. "I'd have to kill you."

He giggled, obviously satisfied with himself. "No, I'm just kidding. You see, I followed you home. Oh, and next time, I would advise you to be a tad more discreet." He licked his lips.

"Uhh.. is there a reason you always smack your lips like that? It's _really_ annoying."

The Joker smirked, glad that he was wearing face paint so Bruce couldn't see that his whole face had turned red from anger. He hated when people made references to his lip-licking, mostly because he couldn't help it; the scars were very bothersome, and because it caused his blood to run cold with pure hatred for the man who'd given him the scars. What that man had put him through... nobody deserved it. Nobody. Not even the cold, cynical man he had become.

"Trying to buy yourself some time, are you?" This time the Joker made sure to smack his lips extra loudly right in Bruce's ear. Bruce spit in the Joker's face.

"You asshole."

"I'd rather be an asshole than a fake!" The Joker teased, pressing the gun extra hard against Bruce's temple. Bruce looked out the door in distress. If only he'd been a bit more careful coming back from the Bat cave. Suddenly, he saw two shadows, both men, coming closer and closer to the door.

"Hey, and it's not very nice to be called crazy, either! By now you know that!" The Joker signaled to the newspaper laying on the tiled floor. "Now you know what it's like." An eerie grin spread across his face. "I'm not crazy. No, I'm not. I just had one _really_ bad day that... well, let's just say it changed my perspective on things."

Finally, Alfred and Lucius neared the doorway and Bruce watched as each stared in shock at him. A look of guilt soon smeared itself across Lucius's face, and he looked at his feet. Alfred slipped out of sight.

"Then why do you blow up huge buildings and ruthlessly murder people?" Bruce scowled.

The Joker giggled sheepishly, then shrugged, and said in a small voice, "It's fun!"

"So, let me get this straight; you messed up my house and annoyed me and threatened me all because you're sick of people thinking you're crazy?"

"Mm-hm." The Joker licked his lips.

Soon, Bruce saw Alfred silently slip back into the room holding a rope. He tried his best to stop the look of relief that was spreading across his face as Alfred slowly snuck up on the Joker. When Alfred was finally close enough to the Joker, he slipped the rope around his neck, choking him. A startled Joker fired a gunshot as Bruce sprang out of his grasp.

"What shall I do with him, Bruce?" Alfred asked.

Bruce grabbed the gun out of the Joker's hand, flipped it in the air with his right hand, and caught it with his left. "I think I have an idea..."

"We are siamese if you please!" The Joker sang as he scrubbed the counters free of their ketchup-y residue.

"Shut the hell up." Bruce warmed, pointing the gun at the Joker's head.

"Hey, hey!" The Joker backed up in mock-fright. "I'm almost done..."

"Cleaning the counter." Bruce cut in. "Then you'll sweep up the broken glass from the light bulb and clean the mustard off the walls. Then, we'll go for a nice little ride to..."

"The police station." The Joker cut in. "Two can play at that game."

"You're crazy." Bruce muttered, sneering as the Joker scowled up at him.


End file.
